Love: Fiasco

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

LOVE: Fiasco

I’ve tried to think my past worthwhile for a month from which I have endeavoured my feeling of such hidden sensation accompanied by the force of nature to a man which seldom came up to be the stardom in my dreams. Yes,   it started with a dream in a place of emptiness knowing a man, getting to know his likes, dislikes, and etch. But all of those are just a misery to the reality of ending up to be as it is, as a dream.

            Is  it the indigenous thing that God gave me? A gift?

Yup, it was before. I think of it as a treasured worth with the little sensuality of getting over appreciation, attraction, and affection to the man I’ve been thinking as the one who redirected my ways. I couldn’t stop over him, can’t control myself the topsy-turvy that came across. Sometimes not. I thought of it. Taking part on which he acquainted the mere existence of the word inspiration in my life as I partake each challenges in joining contest, competition, writing tilts and rivalry in playing in games building up foundation of laurels for him. It wasn’t a joke and I admit that I was too obdurate at that time when I was an infant about what’s with love. But it didn’t stop in there. for  weeks, for days, for hours, for minutes, for every seconds. I always shook off my head and try to retain the enigmatic smile of a man that indeed costs me to pay the need of longing. But thinking of him makes me not into satisfaction. I ought to lay down one. With the phone on my hand, rolled it over trying to scroll and search for his name, John.  I tried to have ring on the next line as I pinpointed out from the keypad. Those rings were enough to question over from someone who keeps on banging over his phone. I found it practical as he answered me in the latter part few seconds after. I was bewildered never expecting that he would care about me. At the start, I felt over the mirth that was much. But I never did expect that at the midst of the conversation would bring me and go about the revelation of the true character and identity of the man whom I thought as one who’ve got the etiquettes well known on the way he acted. My mates were indeed right. “know him first.” But it was just by that time that I’ve known him after all that nerd I’ve got completely awakened through my nightmare, through the deepest sense of falling into him. A BIG MISTAKE!

            All the wonderful things burned out. The sweetness before turned to sour bitterly taste. All my positive thoughts about love vanished. It was though a termite that little engraves the pain of illusion. You’d  lose the control and your breaks seems no longer to function. All my life begun to intensified and evolved dilemmas. On the railroad came across in a predicament, in the diversion not knowing what to do. I can hardly deny the oppression. I saw him together with Ana, it keeps flashing on my mind like video clips. Just a little honesty of longing for features for  the feeling you’d know that wasn’t gone. It leaves the living scar deep hollow inside which associated with your every act. And you’d see people recognize every bit of change you’d undergo.

            As I’d cross the bridge nothing’s inside me but the truth that stands over, trying to recover beyond way of that falsified game. You can’t wait seeing yourself leaving that path with no prints left. But can long to hear the clear bounces of words outreached by people that seek to care every time you’d close your eyes ready to listen. Over and over again. You’d hear them whisper those piece of advice and their words seems to puff surrounding you and could claim to see their counsel. All their advices keeps on reminding me, slapping my face over stretching the emphasis on how stupid I am that begets to fool myself over a man that sniffs to drastically break my dawn of tomorrow. Before I’ve wished to take the risk that it would bring but what do I get? How many times I’ve worked things but out and let life resounds to spell its meaning. Let not yourself be drowned and betrayed that you are weak.

            Love hurts. It starts happily but ends up suddenly, badly. It is a sudden malfunction of the heart that weakens your brain. A damn thing, a big mistake you could only remember if you have surpassed within.    

By: Beverly P. Abelon